FILL IN THE BLANKS

FILL IN THE BLANKS
by natasha de sousa





Its time to write.

I've had this thought for a few weeks now, but every time I open a blank page, my mind also goes blank. Then i begin to sieve through the layers in my head, and though there are has been so much happening to write about like Illegal sale of church properties, Oil Spills, Vatican Conspiracies and what not, nothing particularly seemed to grip me within. I began to feel I was going through a writers block, or in my case, a writers blank.

After staring at the blankness for weeks, it began to grow on me. I would sit looking at the clear white pages, type a few sentences, then read it over and over till i would end up deleting all, leaving me to stare at the emptiness once again. Pensively I would analyze the thoughts in my head, till i'd get frustrated, discard the page and turn off all my thoughts and the computer.

I began equating these empty pages with Life. Each of us are given a sheet of paper to write, draw, color, collage, or fill it up with whatever we like. Imagine a white sheet of paper that would represent you, as a person and your life, the good, the bad, the ugly. What would you put on there? How would your sheet of paper look. Once its done, would you frame it up and hang it outside your front door, or would you fold it up and tuck it into an old book, lying somewhere at the back of your library, or better yet, would you hang it up in your backyard to scare away the crows. :-) Think about this for a moment, it could be an amusing activity for most of us.

I began equating these empty pages with the human mind at birth. Each child born with no preconceived thoughts, notions or ideas, then parents gradually plant in our heads little thoughts, identities, social standards etc and like sponges we absorb everything around us. What if we were left to discover and experience everything without having being told it, how much more wise would we have been. Like animals perhaps we would be more in tune to our environments. Child bearing for animals is not as painful, because they have'nt been told horror stories by their mothers and aunties, where as most women go through excruciating pain because of the physical manifestations to the anxiety and trauma associated with labor that has been engrained into their heads. It is a natural process, and can be quite painless, as proves the 'hypo-birth delivery".

I've grown to love this blank space. I gaze at it endlessly, imagining bits and pieces of my life, and my observations play out like films on its pure surface. I am still thinking about my sheet, i know it will be strewn with every colorful experience i've had, every lesson i've learnt, and every memory i hold dear to me. It would be my most valued piece in the whole house, one that i'd like to hang up on a white wall under a little spotlight.

I still like to keep my mind blank on most matters, and let the child within amuse myself and those around me every once in a while. But what I value most are the lessons i learnt on my own, the ones that were not taught to me in the school curriculum.

In blankness~there is purity, In blankness ~ there is peace.

Be still and know~